10 Tips for Better Understanding and Communicating Your Emotions

One of the biggest challenges therapists encounter in many of their clients is the inability to identify their emotions. It seems like an elementary concept. Even small children can pick up on facial expressions and body language cues that indicate emotions, at least in their own cultures. So why is it so difficult for adult clients to label their own emotions?

Parents often ask their children if they are happy or sad, but how often do they ask their children if they are frustrated, jealous, envious, or stressed? Adults tend to simplify complex emotions by labeling them as either sad (negative) or happy (positive).

This oversimplification may work for very young children, but as kids grow up, we should be teaching them to distinguish between more complex emotions. For instance, they should be able to differentiate between the negative emotion of sadness and the negative emotion of loneliness.

This lack of training and vocabulary can make therapy sessions and life in general more difficult. If someone is challenged by defining and communicating their thoughts and emotional state, it becomes even more difficult to find the support they need. Even a trained therapist may have a difficult time zeroing in on a specific emotion their client may be feeling if there is a disconnect in communication.

It’s no wonder that there is a definite and strong connection between emotional intelligence and linguistics. It stands to reason, then, that many therapists are good communicators and that linguists typically have strong interpersonal skills. Vocabulary, communication, and interpersonal connections are all interwoven and interdependent.

Everyone can benefit from improving their emotional communication skills. If you’re struggling with identifying your own emotions, here are a few tips to help you better understand and communicate those feelings:

Understand your feelings Rather than jumping to immediately label each of your own emotions, determine whether your feelings or reactions to a situation are positive or negative. By delaying the specific definition of your emotion, you have more time to analyze it.

Increase your vocabulary This especially applies to the specific realm of human experiences. The more words you have for defining your emotions, the better you can communicate them.

Keep a journal of your emotions You may see a pattern emerge. For example, if you notice that you always have a negative feeling after visiting your wealthy friend’s house, you may discover that the negative emotion you have labeled as sadness might be a case of envy.

Use metaphors, similes, stories, and forms of art to communicate your emotions Get creative when you can’t find the right words. Jesus Himself taught in parables because He knew the power of a creative story. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. This holds true for word pictures and other forms of art.

Use other people’s words Just as you can use creative ways to communicate your feelings, you can also use other people’s creations to speak for you. Look for movies, books, paintings, or music that speak to your emotions and unique situation. Share these findings with your therapist and other people in your life to help explain what you’re feeling and thinking.

Be an active listener By spending time listening to other people describe their emotions, you may find it easier to define your own. If your friend describes the feelings of loneliness that she felt when her adult children left home, you may find similarities to how you feel when you settle in to watch television alone at home each night.

Practice being transparent Find a trusted friend or therapist who is willing to listen as you practice describing your thoughts and feelings. They may even offer their own opinions as to the specific emotion that you might be feeling.

Consider how your physical body is responding to what you’re thinking and feeling Sometimes our physical bodies can speak more honestly about what we are going through than what our conscious mind can describe. Is your heart racing? Maybe your negative emotion is anxiety.

Learn to accept your emotions Sometimes we may have developed a bias against certain emotions. For example, maybe Aunt Jennifer was criticized for always being “nervous.” If we have been taught that this is frowned upon, we may not want to admit that we have the same feelings.

Ask others about their emotions Realize that just because you don’t fully understand your own emotions, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to empathize with others. If the bus is late in picking you up, strike up a conversation with the person next to you, who repeatedly looks at their watch.

Casually saying something like, “I’m not feeling very patient today” or “Are you feeling as impatient as I am?” can help you focus on whether you are correctly labeling other people’s emotional responses.

Learning to identify and label your own internal experiences and responses is important and is a skill that most people can learn. If you still struggle with identifying and processing your emotions, after you have taken steps to do so, ask your healthcare provider if you could be struggling with alexithymia, which is a disorder that prevents people from having typical emotional responses and makes them unable to label them.

To learn more and set an appointment with a Christian therapist in Grapevine, Texas, contact our office today at Texas Christian Counseling.