8 Tips for Dealing With Rejection Well

There are few things as precious as having a deep sense of connection to other people. Feeling like you belong, like you are valuable and wanted, is a deep need that people have, as we are such social creatures. That’s why it hurts so much when disconnection happens – it isolates you from others and it can make you question your self-worth as well as ask questions about why the disconnect occurred.

One of the ways the sense of disconnection between people can happen is when rejection occurs. Rejection happens for many different reasons, and there are healthy as well as unhealthy ways of dealing with it. Dealing with rejection well will help you make the most of your life as it is, and it allows you to grow and learn as you move toward your goals.

Rejection in all its facets

Rejection can occur in a wide variety of situations. You might experience a sense of rejection if you apply for a job and don’t get it. The same can happen if you put in for a promotion at your current workplace and someone else gets it. When you apply to a college for a spot, or you try out for a team, or you ask someone out and they say “no” – these are just some of the ways rejection happens.

Rejection also happens when you’re in a committed relationship with someone, and for one reason or another, they decide to end the relationship. That situation can hurt more than the others because of the deep personal connection that gets severed. Neurologically speaking, an MRI indicates that there is very little difference between the emotional pain of rejection and the physical pain experienced through an injury. The agony of being rejected is real.

The innate human need to connect, to be accepted, and to belong is radically disrupted and left unfulfilled when rejection occurs. When that need isn’t met, it can easily lead to feelings of anger, disappointment, anxiety, and self-doubt. Rejection feels much like grief and loss.

How to deal with rejection when it happens

Rejection happens more often than we’d like. No one welcomes rejection or wishes for it to happen because it’s so painful. When you take the time to deal with rejection well, you can learn a lot about yourself, including being able to become a more emotionally resilient person.

You can deal well with rejection by keeping the following in mind:

Recognize that rejection is part of life

Sometimes, things just don’t work out, and it doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of love or that there’s something wrong with you. When you take risks in life, rejection can happen, and knowing that can help you deal with rejection without taking it too personally.

Acknowledge and accept that it has happened

Rejection works in many ways like grief, and you can try and deal with your rejection by denying that it happened. You can tell yourself another story because it feels easier to handle, but denying the truth is robbing yourself of the opportunity to face reality and begin the process of moving on.

Allow the pain and the loss to wash over you. Acknowledge all that, and the sooner you do, the sooner you can begin moving forward and begin dealing with that pain.

Don’t ruminate

It can be easy to dwell on the rejection and the negative feelings that it produces. You may begin by putting together a laundry list of what’s wrong with you and the possible reasons why you were rejected. Affirm, however, the qualities about you that are strengths and important values and challenge any catastrophizing thoughts or thoughts that are sweeping in their judgment of you.

Process the feelings

Part of acknowledging what happened and accepting it is to pay attention to what you’re feeling in the aftermath of the rejection. Understand what you’re feeling and name those feelings, keeping in mind that your emotions are what they are, and there’s no point in judging them.

Journaling can help you write down and process your thoughts and emotions. When you identify your emotions, you can also take steps to manage them so that you don’t lash out at others, for instance. Rejection can hurt, and we can turn that hurt against others if we aren’t paying attention to ourselves.

Grow from it all

There’s a way of looking at rejection that mires you in what you did wrong or what you’re lacking. That’s not helpful. Instead, think of it as a growth opportunity, and ask yourself what you can learn from the rejection. If it’s a relationship, perhaps you missed some cues. If it’s a job you didn’t get, perhaps some feedback will help you do better next time.

Practice self-care

Just as when a person is grieving, self-care can be easy to neglect when rejection happens. Exercise, eat well, and get some sleep. This can make it easier to cope with rejection healthily.

Be willing to try again

The last thing that rejection should do is prevent you from trying again. That would be allowing the rejection to define you and your horizons.

Use your support system

The pain of rejection isn’t something you must deal with alone. Lean on your support system, connect with your loved ones to be reminded that this one rejection doesn’t mean your world has ended or that the whole world has rejected you too.

You can also rely on a mental health professional such as a counselor to get help in developing coping skills to address the pain of rejection and the negative thoughts it can engender. Your counselor can help you as you do the hard work of rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem.

If you need the support of a mental health professional, please contact us today.