How to Communicate Better with Your Child

Your child listens and learns from you through your words, the tone and sound of your voice, your facial expression, and the affection that accompanies them when you interact with them. Learning to communicate better with your child is a valuable skill. You can learn how. Relying on personal experience or traditions from your family of origin may not be sufficient.
Being clear with yourself that better communication can be learned means that you will likely take advantage of this opportunity and familiarize yourself with the various ways we communicate with our children.
This is important as the way you parent and relate messages to your child teaches them how to communicate with others, it shapes their emotional development, and forms the method they will use to build relationships as they grow up. Knowing how to communicate better with your child is important and powerful.

The self-concept that your child will develop as a result of their early childhood experiences gives them a sense of who they are, as well as their interpretation of their place within their family and community. Their ability to manage stress, feel confident and motivate themselves as adults is intrinsically linked to their experiences as a child between the ages of two and six years.

It is the parent’s responsibility to ensure that the relationship with the child is positive and so strengthen this outcome. Feeling blamed, judged, criticized, and the butt of jokes may fuel a negative cycle. This can lead to a self-perception that they deserve blame, judgement, criticism, and scorn.

How to communicate better

It is important to know there are two different types of communication. Verbal communication is the way we communicate with our words. Non-verbal communication includes both intentional and unintentional communication through body language.

Verbal communication includes the pitch and tone of a voice. Pitch is heard in the degree of highness or lowness in your voice, while tone includes the pitch as well as the quality and strength of the voice. The tone is often heard when we express emotions, for example when we are angry we may speak in a harsh tone.

Verbal communication also includes the actual words you say, and these include the types of words your child can best understand.

Nonverbal communication is all of the other non-sound-based communication. Some examples include holding eye contact, how you use your hands, physical touch (such as a hug), and the expression on your face.

Read on to understand how to communicate better with your child.

Reflect what you have heard.

Mirroring back to your child what you have just heard them say is a very effective way to demonstrate your attention. As you repeat back to them what they said, use different words. Should your child say, “I am not inviting Sarah to my party anymore,” you can reply by saying, “You no longer want your sister to celebrate your birthday with you?”

This technique invites your child to continue to express their emotions after having received a neutral prompt. Replying with a contradiction or a distraction misses the opportunity to hear the heart behind their words.

Speak to be understood.

As you speak with your child use a vocabulary that is suitable to their age and understanding. Clear and specific language is helpful to them and gives them a model to follow. As you speak ensure that the child feels your love and respect throughout the interaction. Foul language has no place within earshot of a young child.

Listen actively.

Showing your child that you actively understand what you hear them saw is a key step as you learn how to communicate with them. Gestures with your hands, a reactive facial expression, and an encouraging smile will draw out your child and the message they want to communicate. Getting down to eye level with your child is an excellent way to show you care for them and they will feel a stronger connection between the two of you.

As you engage with them as they speak, you can also ask simple questions, such as the 5 W’s (what, why, where, when, and who) and the H (how). As your child fields these questions their communication skills and recall improve. It helps them learn to tell a story and decide on what details to include.

Naming their feelings.

As children learn to name and identify their feelings they learn and grow their own emotional intelligence. As your child speaks about their feelings be sure to make them feel heard, and do so while withholding judgment. Remember, they are very little and sometimes struggle to communicate big feelings. Often these come out in a temper tantrum or acting out.

When they do show their emotions in nonverbal ways, such as loud crying when they are upset or laughing and giggling when enjoying themselves, help them to identify their feelings by naming them. Examples include: happy, joyful, sad, frightened, angry, tired, or excited.

Model behavior.

Parents are their children’s introduction to the world. Children are always watching and what they see you do is as important. For this reason, it is important that you only make promises that you are sure you can keep. This will build and maintain the bond of trust between you and your child.

Praise specifics.

Learning how to communicate better with your child includes knowing to compliment them for specific actions. So, instead of saying a phrase like “good job,” look for opportunities to be more specific and point out what you are praising them for. For example, “I saw you being kind to your sister. I love your kind heart.”

Do not offer bribes.

“Now remember, if you greet Auntie Marge politely, I will give you a sweet.” Have you heard this before, or even said something similar? A child who is given rewards for basic courtesy and other behavior may allow you to manipulate their behavior in the short term, but the lack of clear boundaries means that a type of distrust may develop between you two.

As you set clear, age-appropriate expectations for your child, be sure to praise good behavior, and be calm and respectful as you use consequences to encourage improved behavior as required.

Have fun together.

Having fun and enjoying chatting with one another can make parenting far more enjoyable, and as you learn how to communicate better it will strengthen your relationship. One way to relate to your child is by looking for and finding something positive to say about something they care about. Pay attention to their interests or enjoy a joke together. Laughing with your child is a blessing.

Object to behavior not character.

Your child will inevitably upset you. When this happens, their behavior must be the focus of your stern comments and any criticism, not their character. Instead of saying, “You are so lazy,” try instead, “I do not like it when you procrastinate with your chores and then run out of time to complete them properly.”

Lead with kindness and love.

The emotions that enable you and your child to bond together are kindness and love. As you reflect your loving kindness to your child in your words, thoughts, and actions, you are actively building the bond between you both.

Christian counseling for better communication with your child

If you’re looking for additional help to better understand how to communicate better with your child beyond this article, browse our online counselor directory or contact our office to schedule an appointment. We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.