Kate Motaung, Author at Grapevine Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Tips for Men Facing Depression

Tips for Men Facing Depression

By Kate Motaung|June 26th, 2024|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues|

Men often have particular ways of dealing with depression that are different from how women, teens, and children deal with depression. Men tend to bottle up their feelings, withdraw from friends and family, and seek out escapist coping behaviors, like playing video games, binge drinking, or watching excessive amounts of sports. These coping methods may feel helpful in the short term, but they might be damaging to a man’s relationships, profession, and long-term mental health. There are different types of depression and varied reasons for experiencing it, but all types are treatable through a combination of therapy and medication. Here are some tips for men to identify depression, and then to know how to cope with it. Keep in mind that all the personal effort you put into coping with depression could be supplemented with professional help from a counselor or therapist. Stop and self-evaluate Research shows that most men become depressed through over-extending themselves. Most of us want to just keep going, but you can’t run on fumes forever. No matter the pressure that is on you at this current moment, it is always a good idea to take some time to check in with yourself, even if it is only a few hours at the end of the day. You might be depressed if you are experiencing uncharacteristic emotional outbursts, have trouble sleeping, have constant thoughts of wishing you were away from your current situation, or are experiencing constant physical exhaustion. When the things that used to bring you joy or a sense of fulfillment no longer have the same effect, that’s often a clear sign that you are dealing with depression. You might not even know it until you stop and consider how you are doing below the surface. Get balance Men tend to use escapism [...]

Comments Off

Nothing to Prove, Nothing to Lose: Overcoming Insecurity and Impostor Syndrome

Nothing to Prove, Nothing to Lose: Overcoming Insecurity and Impostor Syndrome

By Kate Motaung|May 15th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Hope for a new way of being can seem out of reach for those of us whose past is marked by a struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. The world touts that success worth having demands gargantuan steps and grandiose actions to overcompensate for a troublesome past. When we superimpose that atop the lofty call of living out what God has placed in us, transformation seems tedious and unattainable, and can lead to what is known as impostor syndrome. Although we may experience initial motivation, the idea of keeping pace with culture can result in feeling overwhelmed, even in small pivots. In many ways, the same enemy who tries to abort our incremental attempts to realize success also seeks to undermine when we experience the fruit of our labor and investment with the Lord. You can evict the impostor when you consider a different perspective. Here are three things we can do. Evaluating success We can show up to a place that we identified as our benchmark for success, yet feel as if we are a failure underneath, an impostor in our own lives. The nature of impostor syndrome paralyzes those experiencing a measure of what the world defines as success or individuals making moves in that direction. Externally, we may look as if we have what we desire, but inside, our thoughts and emotions are stymied by insecurity. When that success is not reflected internally, the voice of a lack mindset amplifies itself in accusation. We can feel as if we deserve none of the rewards from our effort or that we are defrauding them because we still experience struggles like any other human. Encountering biblical truth Inside, we wrestle with the successful result where receiving the fruit of our labor intersects with the blessing of God’s kindness [...]

Comments Off

Bible Verses About Forgiveness: Finding Freedom from Vengeance

Bible Verses About Forgiveness: Finding Freedom from Vengeance

By Kate Motaung|April 22nd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Looking for Bible verses about forgiveness? Here are several Scriptures about forgiving others and being forgiven. If you’re going by what makes the headlines, the world doesn’t seem like a fair place. Those who hurt others, take advantage of them, and who work the system seem to get away with it. This happens in society at large, but it also happens in our relationships. Colleagues take advantage of generosity, and loved ones, neighbors, and strangers can seem to have no compunction about abusing one’s kindness. Forgiveness gives way to revenge. The above is a jaundiced view of society, but it can sometimes feel like you’re playing by the rules while others aren’t. But even in those situations where you feel like you’re a righteous sufferer, God’s call to His people is for them to be marked by forgiveness for even those they consider enemies (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27-28). Forgiveness releases you from the desire for vengeance, and it frees you of bitterness toward others. Not only that, but forgiveness is one of many ways we can begin imitating God, who has forgiven us much. For the disciple of Jesus, forgiveness is a way of life. Bible verses about forgiveness. Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. – Psalm 32:1-2, NIV The Psalms are a prayer and songbook, and here David was rejoicing in the blessings of being forgiven. When God forgives us, He lifts the burden of our failures off our shoulders and takes it upon His own. The role we play is to allow Him to relieve us of the burden, and to trust that He does not hold anything against us. When [...]

Comments Off

Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

By Kate Motaung|November 21st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Celebrations often come with gifts. They bring packages with brilliant colors and gleaming exteriors. Sometimes, the wrapping heightens the anticipation of what we discover inside. God wraps gifts, too. They come to us in various forms, though the packages don’t always seem to be what we would readily embrace as gift-worthy, such as trauma. We may not initially recognize it, but the trials we encounter in life are odd and unusual parcels. Considering the exterior, an uncomfortable and often unappealing nature of times marked by suffering, we don’t realize that what God is gifting outweighs the outward appearance of life’s conditions. Each challenge comes pre-packaged with treasure inside. We tend to discover the weight and worth of what’s through the process of unboxing. As we unpack these mystery packages, we encounter another facet of our Father. We may not always notice His Hand and His Heart through the events and circumstances, but when we pause to reflect, we can see how He has shown His kindness, favor, and protection. Even in the darkest moments, God is present. While we may acknowledge that He’s everywhere all at the same time, it helps to remember that He is with us specifically. He is near to the broken. That is what Christ does, binds and heals the fragments of minds and lives obliterated by the evil force behind our trauma. The Healer encounters us where trauma has wounded souls and scarred them with resentment and bitterness. Jesus doesn’t deny the presence of what was intended to steal our peace, kill our spark, and destroy our resolve; Instead, He asserts and reminds us what He came to do and the abundant life He brings to us in exchange. As we come to terms with the trauma that we experienced in the past, we [...]

Comments Off

Tips for Making Family Counseling Successful

Tips for Making Family Counseling Successful

By Kate Motaung|October 23rd, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Family counseling is a great way to work through issues that affect the family unit. It can also help you grow closer together and teach strategies that help family members live together with less conflict and issues. While the benefits are good, it can be hard to know how to make family counseling work. With multiple people of varying ages involved, family counseling can feel tricky. Successful family counseling involves many factors including active participation, open communication, and a willingness to work together as a family unit. Tips for a Successful Family Counseling Experience To help you make the most of your family counseling experience, consider these tips: Be committed. Consider who is participating in counseling. For the best outcome, everyone in the family should be committed to the entire counseling process. It is important to attend sessions consistently and be actively engaged in the sessions. Communicate openly. Counseling offers an opportunity for everyone to be open and honest with one another. Family members must be comfortable enough to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. The way people listen and respond will encourage other family members to do the same. Listen actively. Show others that you are listening when they speak. Family members can do this by not interrupting, having open body language, making eye contact, and asking clarifying questions. As you show empathy and understanding when others are speaking, even if you disagree, you will foster the trusting environment needed for success. Be respectful. When talking about sensitive issues, it is especially important to treat each other with respect and avoid blaming or criticizing. Instead of generalizing or making accusations, focus on the issues and behaviors. This prevents personal attacks. Participate. Everyone in the family should have the opportunity to participate equally. Every person’s perspective is an [...]

Comments Off

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

By Kate Motaung|September 25th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People make promises as a way to indicate their seriousness about following through on their words with actions. Promises are a way to shore up trust, giving it a solid reference point. A person’s words matter whether they are expressed in the form of a promise or as a statement. We shape our lives based on people’s words, and so when words and actions don’t match (such as in cases of infidelity), it can cause profound disappointment and hurt. A romantic relationship carries certain expectations. Among these is the expectation of faithfulness, whether this was spoken or not. Increasingly, one has to make it explicit that the relationship is exclusive, otherwise the other person may assume that the relationship is open or polyamorous. Even with this sinful shift in our social mores, disappointment often ensues upon discovery that a relationship you’re invested in has been rocked by what you consider infidelity. How do you cope well when that happens to you? How infidelity affects you Infidelity is when an emotional, physical, or sexual boundary in the relationship is crossed. It’s when something that was meant to be exclusive is shared with a third party. When you entrust yourself and your life to someone else, a breach of trust can have profound effects on one’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Some of the ways infidelity can affect a person include: Dealing with infidelity can feel a lot like going through grief and loss. Infidelity can increase anxiety and depression, not to mention stress levels. One can experience PTSD-like symptoms after being cheated on. Trust issues. The deep betrayal of infidelity can cause mistrust of others for a long time afterward Shakes one’s self-confidence. One can internalize the infidelity and blame themselves, leading to lower self-esteem or self-worth. Affects loved ones. [...]

Comments Off

How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

By Kate Motaung|August 25th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Understandably, people get on each other’s nerves. Even in the best of relationships, things don’t always go well, and the parties need space away from each other. Whether in a marriage, between siblings, between friends, or even a work relationship, that relationship can become strained and stop feeling enjoyable. If you are in a strained relationship and need to relieve tension, help is available. Understanding relational strain When a relationship is strained, that means the relationship has so many problems that the people in it feel stressed and overwhelmed. Relationships can get strained for several reasons. Some of these may be internal to the relationship, while others originate outside the relationship. Some of the more common pressures that can strain a relationship include the following: Financial pressures It is good to be free from the love of money, as that can cause many problems that are best avoided (1 Timothy 6: 6-10). However, just about everything in life has a price tag attached. If a couple isn’t on the same page about how they make and use the money and resources the Lord places in their hands, it can be a source of conflict and strain in the relationship. Broken promises A relationship thrives on trust and requires the people in it to keep and be true to their word. Broken promises, infidelity, and unmet expectations can all feed the breakdown of trust and lead to a strained relationship. Poor communication Just as with trust, a relationship needs good communication like a fire needs oxygen. It’s good to be able to express yourself and to feel heard in a relationship. Without good communication, opportunities to love and serve one another are missed, and frustrations can multiply. Poor quality time and personal connection People in a relationship need to invest [...]

Comments Off

4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

By Kate Motaung|August 16th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When a couple gets engaged and embarks on their journey toward marriage, premarital counseling can play an important role. Premarital counseling opens lines of communication regarding important issues that can, ultimately, make or break a marriage. Most love-struck couples cannot imagine disagreements arising from these topics. It is, however, worthwhile to lay the groundwork for coming back to what was discussed at the start of marriage, when conflict rears its head. The reality is that life on this side of heaven is not perfect. Two sinners joined together in holy matrimony will need to be able to see one another’s point of view, and be able to compromise on certain things over the course of their marriage. 4 Common Topics Considered in Premarital Counseling Premarital counselors are skilled in guiding conversation on the following topics: 1. Finances As unromantic as it may sound, a couple’s way of handling finances is one of the most foundational elements of building a strong marriage and life together. Conflict about money including how to spend it and how to save it can wreak havoc on marital happiness. This is why it is good to discuss money matters during premarital counseling. Questions such as how much each partner is bringing into the marriage, how a budget will be devised, who will be responsible for various parts of executing the budget, and how both partners envision their financial future, will open up the topic for deeper discussion. In a Christian marriage, it is important to remember that God is responsible for all material provision, and wise stewardship of the resources He gives is a biblical mandate. 2. Family Matters While two people may seem similar in terms of their culture and upbringing, the reality is that every person grew up with a unique family dynamic. [...]

Comments Off

Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

By Kate Motaung|July 8th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Why are you here? That is one of the larger questions that we must face. The ancient philosopher Socrates wrote that “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Part of what he was trying to say is that human beings are the sort of creatures that possess and need to make use of the ability to think critically about life and meaning. People are not like all other living creatures in the world that exist without thinking. For all people – Christians and non-Christians, alike – the reason for our existence is God, the creator of heaven and earth. John Piper, a pastor and author has written about what he calls Christian hedonism, and he says our purpose for being is tied to God’s glory and our enjoyment of Him. He’s famously written that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. When our deepest delight and most constant joy is rooted in our enjoyment of God and fellowship with Him, that’s when we’re bringing the greatest glory to God even as He meets our innermost need. It’s worthwhile asking yourself why you are here. Examining your life and reflecting on Scripture might yield the conclusion that nurturing intimacy with God should be one of our key concerns in life. After all, we can only fully enjoy and appreciate what we know. Intimacy with God is like the intimacy we have with other people. Intimacy is about feeling close, being connected, and having a sense of treasured shared experience with someone. Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves, while Jeremiah 17:9-10 urges us to consider the truth that our hearts are deceitful, and only God can search our hearts and plumb their depths. The storyline of the [...]

Comments Off

How to Address Resentment in Marriage

How to Address Resentment in Marriage

By Kate Motaung|June 30th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Your spouse is the person with whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life. He or she can sometimes become the person who causes you the deepest pain, which can lead to resentment in marriage. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." You can’t truly love someone without being open to them, sharing yourself with them, and possibly being hurt by them. This is the risk we all take in forming relationships with other people, and while it’s a risk worth taking to experience love, it can be an expensive risk. How resentment in marriage happens Of course, your spouse isn’t supposed to hurt you, but all too often that’s precisely what happens. When a loved one hurts you, what often compounds that hurt is the sense of betrayal – surely they, of all people, ought to know that this would hurt. A stranger can hurt you, but you don’t expect them to look out for you; you do expect those who love you to show some consideration. When you’re hurt, the anger and ill feeling that flows from that can cause resentment. Resentment is a complex emotion that combines anger, disgust, fear, and disappointment. It can set in if a person repeatedly doesn’t respect your boundaries, take advantage of you, or they show preferential treatment to someone else, or they disappoint your expectations. This can happen in marriage if one spouse doesn’t do their chores routinely and expects their spouse to pick up the slack. It happens if the words “Thank you” are absent in a marriage, and one feels taken for granted. Resentment can develop if one spouse makes fun of the other in the company, or if one spouse has an affair or withholds affection. When these and other [...]

Comments Off

12 Next

Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

CONTACT INFO

Grapevine Christian Counseling

ABOUT US