Being Single and Maintaining Integrity in Today’s Society

It seems like it is becoming harder to maintain integrity in today’s society. Social platforms and other media expose us to images and behaviors rapidly becoming the norm that goes against Godly living. So how do you continue to be a Christian while being single today, especially in the dating world?

Being Single in the 21^st Century

More and more people are choosing to remain single longer as they focus on their education and pursue careers. But unfortunately, many also engage in long-term monogamous relationships instead of marriage. In some of these cases, people have felt pressured to conform to society’s norms.

For example, a woman dreams of having a large wedding wearing a beautiful glittering gown and marrying the love of her life, giving him her virginity on her wedding night. But as the woman graduates high school and university and begins her career, she feels pressured to date more.

Next, her friends tease her for not taking the next step with her boyfriend. She becomes confused and rationalizes her feelings for her boyfriend, eventually having sex with him. They maintain this relationship for a year before they break up. The woman meets someone new months later, and the cycle starts again.

This is a common scenario because society no longer encourages marriage as the step before sex. Instead, it has become commonplace to have premarital sex and to move in with someone to gauge capability.

But there was a reason God encouraged people to marry first; to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and to maintain morality. You do not have to devalue your integrity. Instead, you can face temptations and stand up to people. To do this you will need to be strong in your faith and stay deep in God’s word and prayer.

The following is a list of tips to help you maintain integrity while being single.

Be Clear on Your Intrinsic Values and Priorities

Your intrinsic values are those things important to you above all else. What priorities are within you? For example, some people know deep inside that their faith and family take first place in their hearts. If that sounds like you, you know that if you neglect those values, you will feel anxious, depressed, stressed, and unfulfilled.

If you need to, list the areas of your life that are most important and circle the top two. These are the ones that you should protect as they are tied to your integrity. You will want to make decisions based on upholding these values and aligning them with your Christian faith.

Think About the Consequences of Your Actions

Before engaging in any behaviors that might risk your integrity, pause to think about the consequences of those actions. What is the worst that could happen? Will you feel convicted for your actions? Often, the Holy Spirit will convict us if our actions lead to sin. This can sometimes be enough to make us turn away even when confronted by temptation or pressure from other people.

Ask God for strength and a way out of the situation. He will provide a way. Will you listen when the escape route presents itself? Will you do what you know is the right thing to do as a Christian?

Please God with Your Choices

Not only should you pause before making a decision that goes against your beliefs and intrinsic values, but you should ask yourself if your behavior would please God. Would God want you to act contrary to your beliefs just because being single is your current status?

God has a plan for each one of us. He brings the right people to us at the right time. However, when we take matters into our own hands, we try to rush God’s plan and make mistakes that can have long-term consequences.

Look at the example of Sarah and Abraham in the Bible. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of nations, but decades slipped by without a child from his wife, Sarah. So Sarah took matters into her own hands and offered her handmaiden to Abraham. Hagar bore him a son, but this child was not the one God planned for Sarah and Abraham. By the time God’s promise came about, there was a rivalry between the two women, and Hagar and her son were sent away.

Follow God’s will with your choices to avoid heartache and negative consequences.

Keep To Realistic Expectations

As you start dating, take the new relationship slowly. We tend to prop a prospective partner up in our minds into an impossible and unrealistic ideal. We also want the relationship to end with a Happily Ever After (HEA). We watch romantic comedies and read romance novels. We take these stories as the standard and try to apply them to real-life people.

But real people do not follow a script, and relationships do not always end in the HEA without work. Instead, if you are a woman, consider reading Proverbs 31, verses 10-31. This small passage details a virtuous woman and can be used as a guideline for living a righteous life. It is the story of a woman with integrity and good character.

The Book of Proverbs is another set of guidelines that can help men and women live righteous lives amidst degrading morals. The book consists of 31 chapters. Try reading one chapter a day, and you will have completed the book in one month. These Proverbs offer advice for every area of your life, including love, marriage, finances, and work.

Stay Honest

When confronted with temptation, staying honest is always a good idea. We often want to impress other people. Sometimes, we want our prospective date to like us so much and for the relationship to work that we may bend the truth. But being honest is more important than being single.

Complete honesty and not exaggerating the truth will improve your character. Remember, not only are you on a date, but you are a living sacrifice. How you live your life shows how you live out your Christian faith. You are an example of a Christ follower and should try to remember that while dating.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. – Romans 12:1, NIV

Keep Covetousness Out of Mind

While being single, we can become lonely. If we are not careful, we can start a relationship with someone unavailable. This can lead to adultery and extramarital affairs. You will want to avoid creating a relationship with a married individual. Wanting someone else’s husband or wife breaks a commandment. You will not only lose your integrity, but you will also lose your credibility as a Christian.

The same goes for you starting an affair while being married. The Bible is clear about adultery and the consequences that can happen. It breeds discontentment and emotional pain, mistrust, and betrayal. If you are attracted to another person besides your spouse, realize that your marriage needs help. Consider speaking to a counselor for marriage counseling.

Trying to Do It All on Your Own?

The advantages of being single are independence and strength. You have probably weathered your fair share of storms to become the person you are today. So why should you lower your values and risk your integrity because of what society finds acceptable?

You should never be forced to do something you do not want to do, or that goes against your beliefs. For example, if you believe that the Bible encourages marriage instead of premarital sex, you should not feel pressured to sleep with a boyfriend or girlfriend because they want you to do so.

We understand that standing up for your beliefs can leave you feeling alienated. Contact a Christian counselor today to help you stay firm in your faith while dating.