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4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

Kate MotaungAugust 16th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When a couple gets engaged and embarks on their journey toward marriage, premarital counseling can play an important role. Premarital counseling opens lines of communication regarding important issues that can, ultimately, make or break a marriage. Most love-struck couples cannot imagine disagreements arising from these topics. It is, however, worthwhile to lay the groundwork for coming back to what was discussed at the start of marriage, when conflict rears its head. The reality is that life on this side of heaven is not perfect. Two sinners joined together in holy matrimony will need to be able to see one another’s point of view, and be able to compromise on certain things over the course of their marriage. 4 Common Topics Considered in Premarital Counseling Premarital counselors are skilled in guiding conversation on the following topics: 1. Finances As unromantic as it may sound, a couple’s way of handling finances is one of the most foundational elements of building a strong marriage and life together. Conflict about money including how to spend it and how to save it can wreak havoc on marital happiness. This is why it is good to discuss money matters during premarital counseling. Questions such as how much each partner is bringing into the marriage, how a budget will be devised, who will be responsible for various parts of executing the budget, and how both partners envision their financial future, will open up the topic for deeper discussion. In a Christian marriage, it is important to remember that God is responsible for all material provision, and wise stewardship of the resources He gives is a biblical mandate. 2. Family Matters While two people may seem similar in terms of their culture and upbringing, the reality is that every person grew up with a unique family dynamic. [...]

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14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

Sandra SteinJuly 11th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Self-esteem is what you think, feel, and believe about yourself. It influences everything in your life, including the way you treat yourself, the way you allow others to treat you, and even your motivation. Building self-esteem with the Word of God Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse about yourself. Focus on your uniqueness, and what makes you who you are. Your identity is much more than your social standing, your achievements, what others think or say about you, or what you see when you look in the mirror. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you can be secure in your identity in Him. Know who God says you are. You are an original, created in God’s image, and set apart for a purpose that only you can fulfill (Genesis 1:27; Ephesians 2:10). You are unique and wonderfully made, and there is no one else exactly like you (Psalm 139:13-14). God loves you so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for you on the cross so you could be forgiven of your sins and receive the gift of eternal life (John 3:16). Be kind to yourself. Avoid belittling yourself, beating yourself up, and/or engaging in negative self-talk. Focus on your positive qualities. Recognize the things you are good at. Make a list of your strengths and talents and read it often to remind yourself of them. Challenge negative beliefs you have about yourself. Counter negative beliefs you have about yourself with truths from God’s Word. Keep a gratitude journal. Focus on your blessings rather than your disappointments, and write down a daily list of at least five things that you are thankful for. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time with positive, supportive, uplifting [...]

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Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

Kate MotaungJuly 8th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Why are you here? That is one of the larger questions that we must face. The ancient philosopher Socrates wrote that “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Part of what he was trying to say is that human beings are the sort of creatures that possess and need to make use of the ability to think critically about life and meaning. People are not like all other living creatures in the world that exist without thinking. For all people – Christians and non-Christians, alike – the reason for our existence is God, the creator of heaven and earth. John Piper, a pastor and author has written about what he calls Christian hedonism, and he says our purpose for being is tied to God’s glory and our enjoyment of Him. He’s famously written that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. When our deepest delight and most constant joy is rooted in our enjoyment of God and fellowship with Him, that’s when we’re bringing the greatest glory to God even as He meets our innermost need. It’s worthwhile asking yourself why you are here. Examining your life and reflecting on Scripture might yield the conclusion that nurturing intimacy with God should be one of our key concerns in life. After all, we can only fully enjoy and appreciate what we know. Intimacy with God is like the intimacy we have with other people. Intimacy is about feeling close, being connected, and having a sense of treasured shared experience with someone. Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves, while Jeremiah 17:9-10 urges us to consider the truth that our hearts are deceitful, and only God can search our hearts and plumb their depths. The storyline of the [...]

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How to Address Resentment in Marriage

How to Address Resentment in Marriage

Kate MotaungJune 30th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Your spouse is the person with whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life. He or she can sometimes become the person who causes you the deepest pain, which can lead to resentment in marriage. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." You can’t truly love someone without being open to them, sharing yourself with them, and possibly being hurt by them. This is the risk we all take in forming relationships with other people, and while it’s a risk worth taking to experience love, it can be an expensive risk. How resentment in marriage happens Of course, your spouse isn’t supposed to hurt you, but all too often that’s precisely what happens. When a loved one hurts you, what often compounds that hurt is the sense of betrayal – surely they, of all people, ought to know that this would hurt. A stranger can hurt you, but you don’t expect them to look out for you; you do expect those who love you to show some consideration. When you’re hurt, the anger and ill feeling that flows from that can cause resentment. Resentment is a complex emotion that combines anger, disgust, fear, and disappointment. It can set in if a person repeatedly doesn’t respect your boundaries, take advantage of you, or they show preferential treatment to someone else, or they disappoint your expectations. This can happen in marriage if one spouse doesn’t do their chores routinely and expects their spouse to pick up the slack. It happens if the words “Thank you” are absent in a marriage, and one feels taken for granted. Resentment can develop if one spouse makes fun of the other in the company, or if one spouse has an affair or withholds affection. When these and other [...]

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Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Kate MotaungJune 17th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As social and relational beings, we thrive when our relationships are deep, meaningful, and connected. You can have money, property, fame, and beauty, but if you have poor relationships with others, that’s a void that can’t be filled and it will be deeply felt. While God has designed us to be relational, part of the tragedy of the human condition is that we live in a world that’s broken, and that brokenness extends to our relationships, preventing secure attachment. Secure attachment: What is it? We learn how best to relate to others when we are young. That’s when we form our emotional and mental maps of the world. When children’s needs are met consistently and their expressions of emotion are welcomed and met with understanding, comfort, and support, all this helps them feel secure. They can be vulnerable and safe, which allows them to express themselves and know that they are loved. This is what is called secure attachment. When people are securely attached, they have healthy self-understanding, the ability to express their emotions and needs, and a willingness to trust. Because their needs were met consistently and meaningfully, they can relate to others in a healthy way that’s free from anxiety or fear. Ideally, everyone should have a home environment in which they are loved, given room for self-expression, and their needs met. We long to experience the joy of being loved and of loving others, and our hearts ache when this basic desire is not met. The people that are closest to us – our families, friends, and such – don’t always show up in the best way possible. This can occur when issues of alcohol abuse and domestic violence are present or you experience neglect and abandonment, whether physically or emotionally. When a person’s needs aren’t [...]

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The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

Kate MotaungJune 13th, 2023|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Struggle and shame are two of several universal elements that connect us in this human experience. Our backgrounds or the circumstances that led us to begin using our drug of choice may differ. Yet, those of us in recovery, or at least seeking freedom from substance abuse disorder or chemical dependency, are fully aware of our commonalities. Personal battles bring ups and downs, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning our souls. It leaves us weary, longing for the rest from labor that the Messiah promised in His Presence (Matthew 11:28-30). Though we may all experience struggles, the work of the enemy is to persuade us that ours make us weird, different, and not accepted among others. Like Adam and Eve, we retreat to the shadows. We try to find our cover in the darkness, and among the shadows that veil who we are and what we have encountered. This, however, doesn’t stop the voice of God from coming for us, in between the narrow spaces where we have clustered ourselves, clinging to invisibility, yet craving to be known and loved. Chemical dependency: Struggle, shame, and stigma We all experience it, though it may vary from one person to the next. It can make us want to cringe and cover ourselves in shame. Addiction is often accompanied by stigma. Even among other believers who share our faith in Christ, we can feel lonely and isolated. Somehow, we tend to believe that our struggle is unrelatable. Whether we are still getting high and struggling, sober and still struggling to remain clean, or sponsoring others in their journey, we must know that God is faithful. Scripture describes the connection as an irrevocable marriage covenantto the backslider, the one who has fallen and needs help to get up or get up again. If [...]

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Overcoming Some Common Women’s Insecurities

Overcoming Some Common Women’s Insecurities

Kate MotaungMay 25th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Many women struggle with some level of doubts and insecurities about themselves. This may result from things people have said to them, whether it’s a friend or family member or just a colleague they are not even close to. It may even originate primarily in their minds as a result of assumptions they have made about what people around them may be thinking. Particularly in our age of social media, it can be easy to compare yourself to others out there and feel like you don’t measure up. Insecurities can be slight, just a niggling doubt in the back of the mind, or they can be completely overwhelming and even debilitating, making it hard to face the daily challenges that come your way. Before you know it, you are filled with self-doubt and feeling like you fall short. 5 Common Insecurities Women Face Some common insecurities that women struggle with include physical insecurities, relationship insecurities, social insecurities, intellectual insecurities, and spiritual insecurities. 1. Physical insecurities are those doubts you feel about the way that you look. Whether you believe some beauty standard from society or via social media, or you simply compare yourself to someone you know it can cause insecurity. Once you have decided that something specific fits the definition of beauty, it can be easy to start comparing yourself to that and feeling like you fall short. When this happens, it can be hard to escape the feeling that you’re too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, or that somehow you’re not pretty enough. 2. Another major area of insecurities is relationships. In terms of a romantic relationship, a woman can question whether she is desirable as a partner and whether her partner might leave her for someone else. If this is a deeply rooted insecurity, [...]

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Finding the Right Help for Your Teen

Finding the Right Help for Your Teen

Kate MotaungMay 10th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Life can be a turbulent journey that takes savvy and deep wisdom to negotiate well. As a parent, you face a variety of challenges, not least of which is getting help for your teen to live in ways that help them flourish as they mature in the Lord. In moments of honest vulnerability, parents will often acknowledge that they don’t have it all figured out and have a lot to learn when it comes to parenting their kids. That’s all right. It’s more common than you’d think and help is available. Does my teen need counseling? Teens are figuring out who they are in a new phase of life. If parents struggle trying to figure out how to help for their teen as they struggle through the changes initiated by adolescence, imagine how those teens are experiencing this bewildering time. Of course, 21st-century children have no shortage of voices telling them who they should be, from friends at school, influencers on social media, and the adults in their life. Much of the “wisdom” your teen encounters will likely not be helpful or may conflict with your values as a family. Your teen may need counseling in certain circumstances, including the following: Their grades are dropping, and they’re getting in trouble at school. Their weight and appetite change dramatically. They become more isolated and withdrawn, and they seem sad. They begin harming themselves, and they talk about death and dying. They begin abusing substances, from recreational and other drugs to alcohol and other substances to get a high. They are engaging in high-risk behavior such as unprotected and promiscuous sex, or reckless driving. They have unexplained anger outbursts, and they struggle to regulate their emotions. It’s important to remember that becoming a teenager will bring changes, and each child will [...]

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Care, Cope, Counsel: Navigating Grief

Care, Cope, Counsel: Navigating Grief

Kate MotaungMay 10th, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Contrary to the popular saying, time does not heal all wounds. What we do with the passage of our days and years is actually what bears the most significant impact on our mental, emotional, and spiritual state. Such is the case when we are navigating the experience of grief. While we often define it in the context of death, grief itself encompasses the emotional anguish we experience following loss of any sort. Death is one of the experiences that we cannot escape in life. When we experience a loss of life, we encounter a range of different emotions. In response, we can feel stunned and bewildered, angry or incredulous. Navigating grief can be uncomfortable and unsettling. Having a roadmap to acquaint ourselves with grief’s stages can help us to better understand the mystery of our thoughts and emotions. Whether the loss is sudden or we expected a loved one to pass away, every loss is different. Our response will not be the same as another person’s, as grief is an experience that impacts human beings differently. The differences don’t only surface between experiences, but also within ourselves. We may grieve various losses differently than how we previously processed the loss of friends and family. It is important to acknowledge that fact and receive grace to absorb the present reality. In whatever stage of grief we find ourselves in, we can be reminded that the Holy Spirit is our Comforter. He is present in times of sorrow, to console us and bottle our tears. He is our peace and strength, even as we hurt and heal. Navigating grief involves various stages. We don’t necessarily advance from one stage to another linearly and we may even experience some phases simultaneously or in a different order. As one might imagine, when we [...]

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How to Bust Through Stress Eating

How to Bust Through Stress Eating

Melissa PlantzMay 10th, 2023|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Stress eating becomes a habit once our brains recognize that the action gives us pleasure. When we eat carb-loaded, starchy, sugary, or salty foods, the reward system in our brains activates, and we feel relief from whatever is stressing us out. But we know that is only a temporary relief, and the stress (and the emotions that come with it) will return. How to End the Stress Eating Cycle You can end the cycle of stress eating with a few lifestyle changes. Ask yourself if you are really hungry. Before you reach for that chocolate candy on your coworker’s desk or pull into the drive-thru after a long day, pause to ask yourself if you are truly hungry. Hunger is a physical sensation in your stomach, not an urge. Is your stomach growling? Can you feel a little bit of acid moving around? These are physical cues that your stomach is empty, and you need to refuel. However, the urges accompanying stress eating feel more like a pulling sensation. It is a sudden demand for food. You may have just eaten a meal and felt full not twenty minutes earlier, but now the urge to eat something sweet, salty, or starchy is all you can think about. Like a smoker with the habit of puffing a cigarette, you desire to put food in your mouth. In reality, you may only be tired, angry, bored, or lonely. Ask yourself what emotion is driving this eating behavior. Do something else. One of the reasons we stress eat is boredom. We may have a list of things to do, but we want to distract ourselves, and nothing can take our minds off our worries. In response, we turn to food. Instead of reaching for a snack, make a list of self-care tasks. [...]

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