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Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

Kate MotaungNovember 21st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Celebrations often come with gifts. They bring packages with brilliant colors and gleaming exteriors. Sometimes, the wrapping heightens the anticipation of what we discover inside. God wraps gifts, too. They come to us in various forms, though the packages don’t always seem to be what we would readily embrace as gift-worthy, such as trauma. We may not initially recognize it, but the trials we encounter in life are odd and unusual parcels. Considering the exterior, an uncomfortable and often unappealing nature of times marked by suffering, we don’t realize that what God is gifting outweighs the outward appearance of life’s conditions. Each challenge comes pre-packaged with treasure inside. We tend to discover the weight and worth of what’s through the process of unboxing. As we unpack these mystery packages, we encounter another facet of our Father. We may not always notice His Hand and His Heart through the events and circumstances, but when we pause to reflect, we can see how He has shown His kindness, favor, and protection. Even in the darkest moments, God is present. While we may acknowledge that He’s everywhere all at the same time, it helps to remember that He is with us specifically. He is near to the broken. That is what Christ does, binds and heals the fragments of minds and lives obliterated by the evil force behind our trauma. The Healer encounters us where trauma has wounded souls and scarred them with resentment and bitterness. Jesus doesn’t deny the presence of what was intended to steal our peace, kill our spark, and destroy our resolve; Instead, He asserts and reminds us what He came to do and the abundant life He brings to us in exchange. As we come to terms with the trauma that we experienced in the past, we [...]

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Tips for Making Family Counseling Successful

Tips for Making Family Counseling Successful

Kate MotaungOctober 23rd, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Family counseling is a great way to work through issues that affect the family unit. It can also help you grow closer together and teach strategies that help family members live together with less conflict and issues. While the benefits are good, it can be hard to know how to make family counseling work. With multiple people of varying ages involved, family counseling can feel tricky. Successful family counseling involves many factors including active participation, open communication, and a willingness to work together as a family unit. Tips for a Successful Family Counseling Experience To help you make the most of your family counseling experience, consider these tips: Be committed. Consider who is participating in counseling. For the best outcome, everyone in the family should be committed to the entire counseling process. It is important to attend sessions consistently and be actively engaged in the sessions. Communicate openly. Counseling offers an opportunity for everyone to be open and honest with one another. Family members must be comfortable enough to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. The way people listen and respond will encourage other family members to do the same. Listen actively. Show others that you are listening when they speak. Family members can do this by not interrupting, having open body language, making eye contact, and asking clarifying questions. As you show empathy and understanding when others are speaking, even if you disagree, you will foster the trusting environment needed for success. Be respectful. When talking about sensitive issues, it is especially important to treat each other with respect and avoid blaming or criticizing. Instead of generalizing or making accusations, focus on the issues and behaviors. This prevents personal attacks. Participate. Everyone in the family should have the opportunity to participate equally. Every person’s perspective is an [...]

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Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Kate MotaungSeptember 25th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People make promises as a way to indicate their seriousness about following through on their words with actions. Promises are a way to shore up trust, giving it a solid reference point. A person’s words matter whether they are expressed in the form of a promise or as a statement. We shape our lives based on people’s words, and so when words and actions don’t match (such as in cases of infidelity), it can cause profound disappointment and hurt. A romantic relationship carries certain expectations. Among these is the expectation of faithfulness, whether this was spoken or not. Increasingly, one has to make it explicit that the relationship is exclusive, otherwise the other person may assume that the relationship is open or polyamorous. Even with this sinful shift in our social mores, disappointment often ensues upon discovery that a relationship you’re invested in has been rocked by what you consider infidelity. How do you cope well when that happens to you? How infidelity affects you Infidelity is when an emotional, physical, or sexual boundary in the relationship is crossed. It’s when something that was meant to be exclusive is shared with a third party. When you entrust yourself and your life to someone else, a breach of trust can have profound effects on one’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Some of the ways infidelity can affect a person include: Dealing with infidelity can feel a lot like going through grief and loss. Infidelity can increase anxiety and depression, not to mention stress levels. One can experience PTSD-like symptoms after being cheated on. Trust issues. The deep betrayal of infidelity can cause mistrust of others for a long time afterward Shakes one’s self-confidence. One can internalize the infidelity and blame themselves, leading to lower self-esteem or self-worth. Affects loved ones. [...]

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How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

Kate MotaungAugust 25th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Understandably, people get on each other’s nerves. Even in the best of relationships, things don’t always go well, and the parties need space away from each other. Whether in a marriage, between siblings, between friends, or even a work relationship, that relationship can become strained and stop feeling enjoyable. If you are in a strained relationship and need to relieve tension, help is available. Understanding relational strain When a relationship is strained, that means the relationship has so many problems that the people in it feel stressed and overwhelmed. Relationships can get strained for several reasons. Some of these may be internal to the relationship, while others originate outside the relationship. Some of the more common pressures that can strain a relationship include the following: Financial pressures It is good to be free from the love of money, as that can cause many problems that are best avoided (1 Timothy 6: 6-10). However, just about everything in life has a price tag attached. If a couple isn’t on the same page about how they make and use the money and resources the Lord places in their hands, it can be a source of conflict and strain in the relationship. Broken promises A relationship thrives on trust and requires the people in it to keep and be true to their word. Broken promises, infidelity, and unmet expectations can all feed the breakdown of trust and lead to a strained relationship. Poor communication Just as with trust, a relationship needs good communication like a fire needs oxygen. It’s good to be able to express yourself and to feel heard in a relationship. Without good communication, opportunities to love and serve one another are missed, and frustrations can multiply. Poor quality time and personal connection People in a relationship need to invest [...]

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4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

Kate MotaungAugust 16th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When a couple gets engaged and embarks on their journey toward marriage, premarital counseling can play an important role. Premarital counseling opens lines of communication regarding important issues that can, ultimately, make or break a marriage. Most love-struck couples cannot imagine disagreements arising from these topics. It is, however, worthwhile to lay the groundwork for coming back to what was discussed at the start of marriage, when conflict rears its head. The reality is that life on this side of heaven is not perfect. Two sinners joined together in holy matrimony will need to be able to see one another’s point of view, and be able to compromise on certain things over the course of their marriage. 4 Common Topics Considered in Premarital Counseling Premarital counselors are skilled in guiding conversation on the following topics: 1. Finances As unromantic as it may sound, a couple’s way of handling finances is one of the most foundational elements of building a strong marriage and life together. Conflict about money including how to spend it and how to save it can wreak havoc on marital happiness. This is why it is good to discuss money matters during premarital counseling. Questions such as how much each partner is bringing into the marriage, how a budget will be devised, who will be responsible for various parts of executing the budget, and how both partners envision their financial future, will open up the topic for deeper discussion. In a Christian marriage, it is important to remember that God is responsible for all material provision, and wise stewardship of the resources He gives is a biblical mandate. 2. Family Matters While two people may seem similar in terms of their culture and upbringing, the reality is that every person grew up with a unique family dynamic. [...]

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14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

Sandra SteinJuly 11th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Self-esteem is what you think, feel, and believe about yourself. It influences everything in your life, including the way you treat yourself, the way you allow others to treat you, and even your motivation. Building self-esteem with the Word of God Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse about yourself. Focus on your uniqueness, and what makes you who you are. Your identity is much more than your social standing, your achievements, what others think or say about you, or what you see when you look in the mirror. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you can be secure in your identity in Him. Know who God says you are. You are an original, created in God’s image, and set apart for a purpose that only you can fulfill (Genesis 1:27; Ephesians 2:10). You are unique and wonderfully made, and there is no one else exactly like you (Psalm 139:13-14). God loves you so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for you on the cross so you could be forgiven of your sins and receive the gift of eternal life (John 3:16). Be kind to yourself. Avoid belittling yourself, beating yourself up, and/or engaging in negative self-talk. Focus on your positive qualities. Recognize the things you are good at. Make a list of your strengths and talents and read it often to remind yourself of them. Challenge negative beliefs you have about yourself. Counter negative beliefs you have about yourself with truths from God’s Word. Keep a gratitude journal. Focus on your blessings rather than your disappointments, and write down a daily list of at least five things that you are thankful for. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time with positive, supportive, uplifting [...]

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Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

Growing Deeper: Nurturing Intimacy with God

Kate MotaungJuly 8th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Why are you here? That is one of the larger questions that we must face. The ancient philosopher Socrates wrote that “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Part of what he was trying to say is that human beings are the sort of creatures that possess and need to make use of the ability to think critically about life and meaning. People are not like all other living creatures in the world that exist without thinking. For all people – Christians and non-Christians, alike – the reason for our existence is God, the creator of heaven and earth. John Piper, a pastor and author has written about what he calls Christian hedonism, and he says our purpose for being is tied to God’s glory and our enjoyment of Him. He’s famously written that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. When our deepest delight and most constant joy is rooted in our enjoyment of God and fellowship with Him, that’s when we’re bringing the greatest glory to God even as He meets our innermost need. It’s worthwhile asking yourself why you are here. Examining your life and reflecting on Scripture might yield the conclusion that nurturing intimacy with God should be one of our key concerns in life. After all, we can only fully enjoy and appreciate what we know. Intimacy with God is like the intimacy we have with other people. Intimacy is about feeling close, being connected, and having a sense of treasured shared experience with someone. Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves, while Jeremiah 17:9-10 urges us to consider the truth that our hearts are deceitful, and only God can search our hearts and plumb their depths. The storyline of the [...]

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How to Address Resentment in Marriage

How to Address Resentment in Marriage

Kate MotaungJune 30th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Your spouse is the person with whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life. He or she can sometimes become the person who causes you the deepest pain, which can lead to resentment in marriage. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." You can’t truly love someone without being open to them, sharing yourself with them, and possibly being hurt by them. This is the risk we all take in forming relationships with other people, and while it’s a risk worth taking to experience love, it can be an expensive risk. How resentment in marriage happens Of course, your spouse isn’t supposed to hurt you, but all too often that’s precisely what happens. When a loved one hurts you, what often compounds that hurt is the sense of betrayal – surely they, of all people, ought to know that this would hurt. A stranger can hurt you, but you don’t expect them to look out for you; you do expect those who love you to show some consideration. When you’re hurt, the anger and ill feeling that flows from that can cause resentment. Resentment is a complex emotion that combines anger, disgust, fear, and disappointment. It can set in if a person repeatedly doesn’t respect your boundaries, take advantage of you, or they show preferential treatment to someone else, or they disappoint your expectations. This can happen in marriage if one spouse doesn’t do their chores routinely and expects their spouse to pick up the slack. It happens if the words “Thank you” are absent in a marriage, and one feels taken for granted. Resentment can develop if one spouse makes fun of the other in the company, or if one spouse has an affair or withholds affection. When these and other [...]

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Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Kate MotaungJune 17th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As social and relational beings, we thrive when our relationships are deep, meaningful, and connected. You can have money, property, fame, and beauty, but if you have poor relationships with others, that’s a void that can’t be filled and it will be deeply felt. While God has designed us to be relational, part of the tragedy of the human condition is that we live in a world that’s broken, and that brokenness extends to our relationships, preventing secure attachment. Secure attachment: What is it? We learn how best to relate to others when we are young. That’s when we form our emotional and mental maps of the world. When children’s needs are met consistently and their expressions of emotion are welcomed and met with understanding, comfort, and support, all this helps them feel secure. They can be vulnerable and safe, which allows them to express themselves and know that they are loved. This is what is called secure attachment. When people are securely attached, they have healthy self-understanding, the ability to express their emotions and needs, and a willingness to trust. Because their needs were met consistently and meaningfully, they can relate to others in a healthy way that’s free from anxiety or fear. Ideally, everyone should have a home environment in which they are loved, given room for self-expression, and their needs met. We long to experience the joy of being loved and of loving others, and our hearts ache when this basic desire is not met. The people that are closest to us – our families, friends, and such – don’t always show up in the best way possible. This can occur when issues of alcohol abuse and domestic violence are present or you experience neglect and abandonment, whether physically or emotionally. When a person’s needs aren’t [...]

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The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

Kate MotaungJune 13th, 2023|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Struggle and shame are two of several universal elements that connect us in this human experience. Our backgrounds or the circumstances that led us to begin using our drug of choice may differ. Yet, those of us in recovery, or at least seeking freedom from substance abuse disorder or chemical dependency, are fully aware of our commonalities. Personal battles bring ups and downs, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning our souls. It leaves us weary, longing for the rest from labor that the Messiah promised in His Presence (Matthew 11:28-30). Though we may all experience struggles, the work of the enemy is to persuade us that ours make us weird, different, and not accepted among others. Like Adam and Eve, we retreat to the shadows. We try to find our cover in the darkness, and among the shadows that veil who we are and what we have encountered. This, however, doesn’t stop the voice of God from coming for us, in between the narrow spaces where we have clustered ourselves, clinging to invisibility, yet craving to be known and loved. Chemical dependency: Struggle, shame, and stigma We all experience it, though it may vary from one person to the next. It can make us want to cringe and cover ourselves in shame. Addiction is often accompanied by stigma. Even among other believers who share our faith in Christ, we can feel lonely and isolated. Somehow, we tend to believe that our struggle is unrelatable. Whether we are still getting high and struggling, sober and still struggling to remain clean, or sponsoring others in their journey, we must know that God is faithful. Scripture describes the connection as an irrevocable marriage covenantto the backslider, the one who has fallen and needs help to get up or get up again. If [...]

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