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Signs of Trust Issues in a Relationship

Signs of Trust Issues in a Relationship

Jennifer KooshianDecember 29th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One thing that every relationship needs to function is trust. A relationship can’t function if the people in it can’t rely on what they are saying to each other, or if they are constantly second-guessing and are suspicious of each other’s motives. Such a hostile environment makes for an uncomfortable relationship that lacks any mutual dependence, real intimacy, and growth, and is characterized by trust issues. One could say that trust is the soil that a relationship grows in, and if stripped of trust, a relationship will likely wither and perish in the long run. Identifying and addressing trust issues can help a relationship to thrive by creating room in the relationship to be vulnerable, to feel safe and secure enough to be intimate, to drop the walls and be yourself as well as minimize the conflict that so easily springs up due to distrust. What are trust issues? The term “trust issues” gets thrown around quite a bit and is often meant to indicate behaviors of distrust in relationships with others. It is most often used about intimate relationships. The term can be leveraged unfairly and end up masking what may be complex emotional challenges that are rooted in a person’s past experiences and the insecure attachment style that resulted from those experiences. Trusting someone is about being willing to depend on them, taking them at their word, and taking for granted that they are reliable. When a person has trust issues, they struggle to do these things with another person, whether it is a friend, a romantic partner, or a colleague. Why do they develop between people? Trust issues develop in several ways. Some people struggle to trust others because of past experiences in their childhood. For instance, witnessing parental conflict or the betrayal of one parent [...]

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How Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect You As An Adult

How Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect You As An Adult

Jennifer KooshianNovember 29th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

None of us have any control over the situations we are born in. However, an auspicious beginning doesn’t necessarily mean a successful ending, and having challenges early on doesn’t mean things won’t turn out well. Adverse childhood experiences can have a significant impact on a child and continue to reverberate throughout their life. Healing and hope can be found, and the negative effects of these childhood experiences can be mitigated. What are “Adverse Childhood Experiences”? The term “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACEs) refers to a broad range of negative experiences that a child has or that they are exposed to while they are growing up. These stressful and traumatic experiences happen between the ages of 1 and 17 years, and some of these experiences include: Emotional or physical neglect. Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Witnessing domestic violence. Witnessing violence in one’s community. Having family members with serious mental health disorders. Parental separation or divorce. Having a parent or caregiver with a substance abuse disorder. Living in a household with an incarcerated family member. Having a family member attempt or die by suicide. These experiences affect a child’s sense of safety, and they can significantly disrupt their development. The unfortunate reality is that ACEs are common. Nearly 1 in 6 (17.3%) U.S. adults reported that they had experienced four or more types of ACEs, and around 64% reported they had experienced at least one type of ACE before they turned 18. By strengthening families, providing greater community access to resources such as those addressing homelessness, addiction, or maternity services, and by encouraging wider awareness about ACEs and their impact in childhood and into adulthood, they can be responded to much earlier and hopefully reduced as well. The impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences in adulthood. When a child experiences trauma or other [...]

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Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

Questions and Quandaries: Triumph Over Trauma

Kate MotaungNovember 21st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Celebrations often come with gifts. They bring packages with brilliant colors and gleaming exteriors. Sometimes, the wrapping heightens the anticipation of what we discover inside. God wraps gifts, too. They come to us in various forms, though the packages don’t always seem to be what we would readily embrace as gift-worthy, such as trauma. We may not initially recognize it, but the trials we encounter in life are odd and unusual parcels. Considering the exterior, an uncomfortable and often unappealing nature of times marked by suffering, we don’t realize that what God is gifting outweighs the outward appearance of life’s conditions. Each challenge comes pre-packaged with treasure inside. We tend to discover the weight and worth of what’s through the process of unboxing. As we unpack these mystery packages, we encounter another facet of our Father. We may not always notice His Hand and His Heart through the events and circumstances, but when we pause to reflect, we can see how He has shown His kindness, favor, and protection. Even in the darkest moments, God is present. While we may acknowledge that He’s everywhere all at the same time, it helps to remember that He is with us specifically. He is near to the broken. That is what Christ does, binds and heals the fragments of minds and lives obliterated by the evil force behind our trauma. The Healer encounters us where trauma has wounded souls and scarred them with resentment and bitterness. Jesus doesn’t deny the presence of what was intended to steal our peace, kill our spark, and destroy our resolve; Instead, He asserts and reminds us what He came to do and the abundant life He brings to us in exchange. As we come to terms with the trauma that we experienced in the past, we [...]

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Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Kate MotaungSeptember 25th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People make promises as a way to indicate their seriousness about following through on their words with actions. Promises are a way to shore up trust, giving it a solid reference point. A person’s words matter whether they are expressed in the form of a promise or as a statement. We shape our lives based on people’s words, and so when words and actions don’t match (such as in cases of infidelity), it can cause profound disappointment and hurt. A romantic relationship carries certain expectations. Among these is the expectation of faithfulness, whether this was spoken or not. Increasingly, one has to make it explicit that the relationship is exclusive, otherwise the other person may assume that the relationship is open or polyamorous. Even with this sinful shift in our social mores, disappointment often ensues upon discovery that a relationship you’re invested in has been rocked by what you consider infidelity. How do you cope well when that happens to you? How infidelity affects you Infidelity is when an emotional, physical, or sexual boundary in the relationship is crossed. It’s when something that was meant to be exclusive is shared with a third party. When you entrust yourself and your life to someone else, a breach of trust can have profound effects on one’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Some of the ways infidelity can affect a person include: Dealing with infidelity can feel a lot like going through grief and loss. Infidelity can increase anxiety and depression, not to mention stress levels. One can experience PTSD-like symptoms after being cheated on. Trust issues. The deep betrayal of infidelity can cause mistrust of others for a long time afterward Shakes one’s self-confidence. One can internalize the infidelity and blame themselves, leading to lower self-esteem or self-worth. Affects loved ones. [...]

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How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

Kate MotaungAugust 25th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Understandably, people get on each other’s nerves. Even in the best of relationships, things don’t always go well, and the parties need space away from each other. Whether in a marriage, between siblings, between friends, or even a work relationship, that relationship can become strained and stop feeling enjoyable. If you are in a strained relationship and need to relieve tension, help is available. Understanding relational strain When a relationship is strained, that means the relationship has so many problems that the people in it feel stressed and overwhelmed. Relationships can get strained for several reasons. Some of these may be internal to the relationship, while others originate outside the relationship. Some of the more common pressures that can strain a relationship include the following: Financial pressures It is good to be free from the love of money, as that can cause many problems that are best avoided (1 Timothy 6: 6-10). However, just about everything in life has a price tag attached. If a couple isn’t on the same page about how they make and use the money and resources the Lord places in their hands, it can be a source of conflict and strain in the relationship. Broken promises A relationship thrives on trust and requires the people in it to keep and be true to their word. Broken promises, infidelity, and unmet expectations can all feed the breakdown of trust and lead to a strained relationship. Poor communication Just as with trust, a relationship needs good communication like a fire needs oxygen. It’s good to be able to express yourself and to feel heard in a relationship. Without good communication, opportunities to love and serve one another are missed, and frustrations can multiply. Poor quality time and personal connection People in a relationship need to invest [...]

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14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

14 Steps to Building Self-Esteem with the Word of God

Sandra SteinJuly 11th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Self-esteem is what you think, feel, and believe about yourself. It influences everything in your life, including the way you treat yourself, the way you allow others to treat you, and even your motivation. Building self-esteem with the Word of God Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse about yourself. Focus on your uniqueness, and what makes you who you are. Your identity is much more than your social standing, your achievements, what others think or say about you, or what you see when you look in the mirror. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you can be secure in your identity in Him. Know who God says you are. You are an original, created in God’s image, and set apart for a purpose that only you can fulfill (Genesis 1:27; Ephesians 2:10). You are unique and wonderfully made, and there is no one else exactly like you (Psalm 139:13-14). God loves you so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for you on the cross so you could be forgiven of your sins and receive the gift of eternal life (John 3:16). Be kind to yourself. Avoid belittling yourself, beating yourself up, and/or engaging in negative self-talk. Focus on your positive qualities. Recognize the things you are good at. Make a list of your strengths and talents and read it often to remind yourself of them. Challenge negative beliefs you have about yourself. Counter negative beliefs you have about yourself with truths from God’s Word. Keep a gratitude journal. Focus on your blessings rather than your disappointments, and write down a daily list of at least five things that you are thankful for. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time with positive, supportive, uplifting [...]

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Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Kate MotaungJune 17th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As social and relational beings, we thrive when our relationships are deep, meaningful, and connected. You can have money, property, fame, and beauty, but if you have poor relationships with others, that’s a void that can’t be filled and it will be deeply felt. While God has designed us to be relational, part of the tragedy of the human condition is that we live in a world that’s broken, and that brokenness extends to our relationships, preventing secure attachment. Secure attachment: What is it? We learn how best to relate to others when we are young. That’s when we form our emotional and mental maps of the world. When children’s needs are met consistently and their expressions of emotion are welcomed and met with understanding, comfort, and support, all this helps them feel secure. They can be vulnerable and safe, which allows them to express themselves and know that they are loved. This is what is called secure attachment. When people are securely attached, they have healthy self-understanding, the ability to express their emotions and needs, and a willingness to trust. Because their needs were met consistently and meaningfully, they can relate to others in a healthy way that’s free from anxiety or fear. Ideally, everyone should have a home environment in which they are loved, given room for self-expression, and their needs met. We long to experience the joy of being loved and of loving others, and our hearts ache when this basic desire is not met. The people that are closest to us – our families, friends, and such – don’t always show up in the best way possible. This can occur when issues of alcohol abuse and domestic violence are present or you experience neglect and abandonment, whether physically or emotionally. When a person’s needs aren’t [...]

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The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

The Substance of Shame: Navigating Chemical Dependency

Kate MotaungJune 13th, 2023|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Struggle and shame are two of several universal elements that connect us in this human experience. Our backgrounds or the circumstances that led us to begin using our drug of choice may differ. Yet, those of us in recovery, or at least seeking freedom from substance abuse disorder or chemical dependency, are fully aware of our commonalities. Personal battles bring ups and downs, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning our souls. It leaves us weary, longing for the rest from labor that the Messiah promised in His Presence (Matthew 11:28-30). Though we may all experience struggles, the work of the enemy is to persuade us that ours make us weird, different, and not accepted among others. Like Adam and Eve, we retreat to the shadows. We try to find our cover in the darkness, and among the shadows that veil who we are and what we have encountered. This, however, doesn’t stop the voice of God from coming for us, in between the narrow spaces where we have clustered ourselves, clinging to invisibility, yet craving to be known and loved. Chemical dependency: Struggle, shame, and stigma We all experience it, though it may vary from one person to the next. It can make us want to cringe and cover ourselves in shame. Addiction is often accompanied by stigma. Even among other believers who share our faith in Christ, we can feel lonely and isolated. Somehow, we tend to believe that our struggle is unrelatable. Whether we are still getting high and struggling, sober and still struggling to remain clean, or sponsoring others in their journey, we must know that God is faithful. Scripture describes the connection as an irrevocable marriage covenantto the backslider, the one who has fallen and needs help to get up or get up again. If [...]

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Overcoming Some Common Women’s Insecurities

Overcoming Some Common Women’s Insecurities

Kate MotaungMay 25th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Many women struggle with some level of doubts and insecurities about themselves. This may result from things people have said to them, whether it’s a friend or family member or just a colleague they are not even close to. It may even originate primarily in their minds as a result of assumptions they have made about what people around them may be thinking. Particularly in our age of social media, it can be easy to compare yourself to others out there and feel like you don’t measure up. Insecurities can be slight, just a niggling doubt in the back of the mind, or they can be completely overwhelming and even debilitating, making it hard to face the daily challenges that come your way. Before you know it, you are filled with self-doubt and feeling like you fall short. 5 Common Insecurities Women Face Some common insecurities that women struggle with include physical insecurities, relationship insecurities, social insecurities, intellectual insecurities, and spiritual insecurities. 1. Physical insecurities are those doubts you feel about the way that you look. Whether you believe some beauty standard from society or via social media, or you simply compare yourself to someone you know it can cause insecurity. Once you have decided that something specific fits the definition of beauty, it can be easy to start comparing yourself to that and feeling like you fall short. When this happens, it can be hard to escape the feeling that you’re too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, or that somehow you’re not pretty enough. 2. Another major area of insecurities is relationships. In terms of a romantic relationship, a woman can question whether she is desirable as a partner and whether her partner might leave her for someone else. If this is a deeply rooted insecurity, [...]

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Finding the Right Help for Your Teen

Finding the Right Help for Your Teen

Kate MotaungMay 10th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Life can be a turbulent journey that takes savvy and deep wisdom to negotiate well. As a parent, you face a variety of challenges, not least of which is getting help for your teen to live in ways that help them flourish as they mature in the Lord. In moments of honest vulnerability, parents will often acknowledge that they don’t have it all figured out and have a lot to learn when it comes to parenting their kids. That’s all right. It’s more common than you’d think and help is available. Does my teen need counseling? Teens are figuring out who they are in a new phase of life. If parents struggle trying to figure out how to help for their teen as they struggle through the changes initiated by adolescence, imagine how those teens are experiencing this bewildering time. Of course, 21st-century children have no shortage of voices telling them who they should be, from friends at school, influencers on social media, and the adults in their life. Much of the “wisdom” your teen encounters will likely not be helpful or may conflict with your values as a family. Your teen may need counseling in certain circumstances, including the following: Their grades are dropping, and they’re getting in trouble at school. Their weight and appetite change dramatically. They become more isolated and withdrawn, and they seem sad. They begin harming themselves, and they talk about death and dying. They begin abusing substances, from recreational and other drugs to alcohol and other substances to get a high. They are engaging in high-risk behavior such as unprotected and promiscuous sex, or reckless driving. They have unexplained anger outbursts, and they struggle to regulate their emotions. It’s important to remember that becoming a teenager will bring changes, and each child will [...]

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