Preparing for Life After the Loss of a Parent as a Caregiver

One of the most selfless things you can do in life is to care for your parent in their later years, but doing this also shapes your days in ways you may have never anticipated. Suddenly, your whole schedule revolves around their needs, medications, doctor visits, meals, and just being there for them. Even the small things, like adjusting their blanket or making their favorite meal, become part of your daily normal. Not forgetting the fact that a parent is the one person you’ve had your entire life. So, naturally, you have some expectations of what happens after the loss of a parent.

What will most likely surprise you, as it has for many people, is that moving forward won’t be just about grief. A lot of people talk about how tough it gets for them to figure out what life looks like now, how to get back to having time for themselves, and dealing with strange feelings like guilt or relief that come afterward.

But why would you even have any guilt or relief at all when your parent passes away?

How Family Relationships Shift During Caregiving

Caring for a parent changes how your family interacts, especially when siblings may have different ideas about their care and responsibilities that may not always feel fair to everybody else. Some of you may be able to get more involved than others, and this also causes some frustration or resentment.

All these feelings linger inside of you even after the loss of a parent. You might find that those difficult times cause estrangement with other siblings, and that you still feel hurt or guilty about. Finding ways to get back those family or friendship connections you lost while you cared for your parent is not always easy.

Most of the time, parents are the glue that holds a family together, so for many people, you’ll find that it takes time and great effort to keep those bonds between siblings strong after they are gone.

Caring for a parent also takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. When they’re gone, you might feel guilty about your unexpected relief from the constant exhaustion you had been struggling with during your years of caring. Your body and mind would have been running on high alert for so long that it becomes hard to just let yourself rest. You need to mentally prepare yourself to be ok with slowing down even before the loss of your parent comes.

Losing a parent will make you go through a range of up-and-down emotions. Sadness, relief, guilt, and even moments of happiness when remembering something funny they said. Some days, you’ll feel okay, and then suddenly, a smell, a song, or a familiar phrase will bring tears. That’s because grief itself doesn’t follow a schedule, but that’s okay, too, especially if you’ve laid the groundwork to prepare yourself for this.

Talking with a friend, writing down your thoughts, or even just allowing yourself to feel without judgment are all things that are good for helping you find peace again. There are many other changes you can try that may help you put things into perspective.

Ways to Prepare for Life After the Loss of a Parent

Before your parent passes away, you can start doing some of these things:

• Keep a memory box and save small things like letters, recipes, or a favorite scarf. These little pieces of them will bring some comfort later.
• Record their voice or stories while you can. A simple recording of their laughter or a story they love to tell will be something you’ll cherish forever.
• Work on a project with them, like planting a tree, making a scrapbook, or writing down family recipes. Having something to look back on is great to keep their memory alive.
• Write notes for yourself and jot down things they used to say, the advice they gave, or just moments that made you smile.
• Talk about family history and ask as many questions about relatives, traditions, and stories as you can to keep your connection to who your parent were strong.

Soon after your parent is gone, you can still do things like:

• Light a candle, cook their favorite meal, or listen to music they loved on meaningful days.
• Start a gratitude journal to write about things they taught you, moments you’re grateful for, or any memories that give you peace.
• Keep some of their favorite traditions going. Whether it’s a holiday tradition or something as simple as making their special Sunday breakfast, keeping a piece of their life present will help you with healing from the loss.
• Donate to a cause your parent cared about, help a neighbor as they used to, or pass on kindness in their honor.

When you’re in the middle of caring for a parent, you may not have time to think about what comes next. But this is really something you should be thinking about.

Whether you’re just starting with caregiving or already facing life after the loss of your parent, support is there if you need it. Allow yourself a chance to talk to a professional today to avoid having a mental breakdown later. Contact us today at Texas Christian Counseling in Grapevine to learn more.