Relationship Issues Archives | Page 2 of 2 | Grapevine Christian Counseling

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Tips for Coping with Infidelity

Kate MotaungSeptember 25th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People make promises as a way to indicate their seriousness about following through on their words with actions. Promises are a way to shore up trust, giving it a solid reference point. A person’s words matter whether they are expressed in the form of a promise or as a statement. We shape our lives based on people’s words, and so when words and actions don’t match (such as in cases of infidelity), it can cause profound disappointment and hurt. A romantic relationship carries certain expectations. Among these is the expectation of faithfulness, whether this was spoken or not. Increasingly, one has to make it explicit that the relationship is exclusive, otherwise the other person may assume that the relationship is open or polyamorous. Even with this sinful shift in our social mores, disappointment often ensues upon discovery that a relationship you’re invested in has been rocked by what you consider infidelity. How do you cope well when that happens to you? How infidelity affects you Infidelity is when an emotional, physical, or sexual boundary in the relationship is crossed. It’s when something that was meant to be exclusive is shared with a third party. When you entrust yourself and your life to someone else, a breach of trust can have profound effects on one’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Some of the ways infidelity can affect a person include: Dealing with infidelity can feel a lot like going through grief and loss. Infidelity can increase anxiety and depression, not to mention stress levels. One can experience PTSD-like symptoms after being cheated on. Trust issues. The deep betrayal of infidelity can cause mistrust of others for a long time afterward Shakes one’s self-confidence. One can internalize the infidelity and blame themselves, leading to lower self-esteem or self-worth. Affects loved ones. [...]

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How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

How to Relieve Tension in a Strained Relationship

Kate MotaungAugust 25th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Understandably, people get on each other’s nerves. Even in the best of relationships, things don’t always go well, and the parties need space away from each other. Whether in a marriage, between siblings, between friends, or even a work relationship, that relationship can become strained and stop feeling enjoyable. If you are in a strained relationship and need to relieve tension, help is available. Understanding relational strain When a relationship is strained, that means the relationship has so many problems that the people in it feel stressed and overwhelmed. Relationships can get strained for several reasons. Some of these may be internal to the relationship, while others originate outside the relationship. Some of the more common pressures that can strain a relationship include the following: Financial pressures It is good to be free from the love of money, as that can cause many problems that are best avoided (1 Timothy 6: 6-10). However, just about everything in life has a price tag attached. If a couple isn’t on the same page about how they make and use the money and resources the Lord places in their hands, it can be a source of conflict and strain in the relationship. Broken promises A relationship thrives on trust and requires the people in it to keep and be true to their word. Broken promises, infidelity, and unmet expectations can all feed the breakdown of trust and lead to a strained relationship. Poor communication Just as with trust, a relationship needs good communication like a fire needs oxygen. It’s good to be able to express yourself and to feel heard in a relationship. Without good communication, opportunities to love and serve one another are missed, and frustrations can multiply. Poor quality time and personal connection People in a relationship need to invest [...]

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4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

4 Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling

Kate MotaungAugust 16th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When a couple gets engaged and embarks on their journey toward marriage, premarital counseling can play an important role. Premarital counseling opens lines of communication regarding important issues that can, ultimately, make or break a marriage. Most love-struck couples cannot imagine disagreements arising from these topics. It is, however, worthwhile to lay the groundwork for coming back to what was discussed at the start of marriage, when conflict rears its head. The reality is that life on this side of heaven is not perfect. Two sinners joined together in holy matrimony will need to be able to see one another’s point of view, and be able to compromise on certain things over the course of their marriage. 4 Common Topics Considered in Premarital Counseling Premarital counselors are skilled in guiding conversation on the following topics: 1. Finances As unromantic as it may sound, a couple’s way of handling finances is one of the most foundational elements of building a strong marriage and life together. Conflict about money including how to spend it and how to save it can wreak havoc on marital happiness. This is why it is good to discuss money matters during premarital counseling. Questions such as how much each partner is bringing into the marriage, how a budget will be devised, who will be responsible for various parts of executing the budget, and how both partners envision their financial future, will open up the topic for deeper discussion. In a Christian marriage, it is important to remember that God is responsible for all material provision, and wise stewardship of the resources He gives is a biblical mandate. 2. Family Matters While two people may seem similar in terms of their culture and upbringing, the reality is that every person grew up with a unique family dynamic. [...]

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How to Address Resentment in Marriage

How to Address Resentment in Marriage

Kate MotaungJune 30th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Your spouse is the person with whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life. He or she can sometimes become the person who causes you the deepest pain, which can lead to resentment in marriage. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." You can’t truly love someone without being open to them, sharing yourself with them, and possibly being hurt by them. This is the risk we all take in forming relationships with other people, and while it’s a risk worth taking to experience love, it can be an expensive risk. How resentment in marriage happens Of course, your spouse isn’t supposed to hurt you, but all too often that’s precisely what happens. When a loved one hurts you, what often compounds that hurt is the sense of betrayal – surely they, of all people, ought to know that this would hurt. A stranger can hurt you, but you don’t expect them to look out for you; you do expect those who love you to show some consideration. When you’re hurt, the anger and ill feeling that flows from that can cause resentment. Resentment is a complex emotion that combines anger, disgust, fear, and disappointment. It can set in if a person repeatedly doesn’t respect your boundaries, take advantage of you, or they show preferential treatment to someone else, or they disappoint your expectations. This can happen in marriage if one spouse doesn’t do their chores routinely and expects their spouse to pick up the slack. It happens if the words “Thank you” are absent in a marriage, and one feels taken for granted. Resentment can develop if one spouse makes fun of the other in the company, or if one spouse has an affair or withholds affection. When these and other [...]

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Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Benefits of a Secure Attachment Style for Relationships

Kate MotaungJune 17th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As social and relational beings, we thrive when our relationships are deep, meaningful, and connected. You can have money, property, fame, and beauty, but if you have poor relationships with others, that’s a void that can’t be filled and it will be deeply felt. While God has designed us to be relational, part of the tragedy of the human condition is that we live in a world that’s broken, and that brokenness extends to our relationships, preventing secure attachment. Secure attachment: What is it? We learn how best to relate to others when we are young. That’s when we form our emotional and mental maps of the world. When children’s needs are met consistently and their expressions of emotion are welcomed and met with understanding, comfort, and support, all this helps them feel secure. They can be vulnerable and safe, which allows them to express themselves and know that they are loved. This is what is called secure attachment. When people are securely attached, they have healthy self-understanding, the ability to express their emotions and needs, and a willingness to trust. Because their needs were met consistently and meaningfully, they can relate to others in a healthy way that’s free from anxiety or fear. Ideally, everyone should have a home environment in which they are loved, given room for self-expression, and their needs met. We long to experience the joy of being loved and of loving others, and our hearts ache when this basic desire is not met. The people that are closest to us – our families, friends, and such – don’t always show up in the best way possible. This can occur when issues of alcohol abuse and domestic violence are present or you experience neglect and abandonment, whether physically or emotionally. When a person’s needs aren’t [...]

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How to Communicate Better with Your Child

How to Communicate Better with Your Child

Kate MotaungFebruary 18th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Your child listens and learns from you through your words, the tone and sound of your voice, your facial expression, and the affection that accompanies them when you interact with them. Learning to communicate better with your child is a valuable skill. You can learn how. Relying on personal experience or traditions from your family of origin may not be sufficient. Being clear with yourself that better communication can be learned means that you will likely take advantage of this opportunity and familiarize yourself with the various ways we communicate with our children. This is important as the way you parent and relate messages to your child teaches them how to communicate with others, it shapes their emotional development, and forms the method they will use to build relationships as they grow up. Knowing how to communicate better with your child is important and powerful. The self-concept that your child will develop as a result of their early childhood experiences gives them a sense of who they are, as well as their interpretation of their place within their family and community. Their ability to manage stress, feel confident and motivate themselves as adults is intrinsically linked to their experiences as a child between the ages of two and six years. It is the parent’s responsibility to ensure that the relationship with the child is positive and so strengthen this outcome. Feeling blamed, judged, criticized, and the butt of jokes may fuel a negative cycle. This can lead to a self-perception that they deserve blame, judgement, criticism, and scorn. How to communicate better It is important to know there are two different types of communication. Verbal communication is the way we communicate with our words. Non-verbal communication includes both intentional and unintentional communication through body language. Verbal communication includes the [...]

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What Will Couples Therapy Do for You?

What Will Couples Therapy Do for You?

Kate MotaungDecember 26th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Marriage counseling, couples therapy, and marital therapy are some of the names for counseling or therapy specific to a couple. This particular kind of family therapy can be useful in examining the underlying reasons why two people disagree. For a romantic relationship to mend and develop, this kind of relationship therapy also emphasizes strengthening communication abilities. Marriage counseling or couples therapy can have a lot of advantages when two people commit to it. It can help forge a relationship based on respect, consideration, and trust. Committing to attending couples therapy in person or online with Grapevine Christian Counseling will be the best thing you ever do for your love life. especially in light of the CDC’s estimate that there are 2.7 divorces for every 1000 people in the US. Types of couples therapy Relationship therapy Every couple encounters difficulties that, at some point or another, put their relationship to the test. It may occur in the tenth week or tenth year of a relationship. When it does, you may require outside assistance to find a way forward. You’re not required to go it alone. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship, couples counseling provides you and your partner with the structure and support you require in a private, impartial setting that fosters growth. You’ll learn conflict-resolution techniques and better communication techniques in couples therapy. Your relationship will become healthier, stronger, and more loving as you examine relationship patterns, rebuild trust, rediscover your mutual passions, and deal with any dysfunction that may be present. Marriage therapy Marriage requires work. For a marriage to remain healthy, you must make investments. It’s beneficial to acknowledge the need for some reliable advice when you encounter those inescapable hiccups on your journey together. Marriage therapy can be beneficial. You and your spouse can confront those [...]

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