Step-Family Challenges and How to Manage Them

In recent years society has moved away from the term step-family and has started using blended family to describe the dynamics of a family created by spouses who have children from a previous relationship/marriage. Step-family challenges come from creating a family from two pre-existing families.

The kids involved can be overwhelmed with conflicting emotions while parents try to navigate the new dynamics in the home.

This blending of a stepfamily takes patience and effort. It can be painful to build new relationships because there are so many new interactions that must be navigated. But it can also be a beautiful thing when the parents choose to keep God in the midst.

Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. – Psalm 127:3, NIV

Step-family Challenges and Managing Them Well

Building a healthy family is challenging without the dynamic of being a step-family. When the addition of other family members gets thrown into the mix, there are complex situations that must be navigated to create a healthy family with healthy bonds. Creating a healthy and well-balanced home is attainable when the family, especially the parents, is intentional with untangling the fine threads of emotions, expectations, and experiences.

New family roles

As a couple with children comes together there will be new roles that will be established. Children and parents will each be subjected to a different dynamic when it comes to what their role in this new family becomes.

Managing the challenge: The boundaries of these roles are important and should be respected. Parents must remember to be gentle in developing new relationships with their stepchildren.

Different cultures

Each family comes with its own culture and traditions. These differences can create tension if it seems as though only one set of cultures is being incorporated into the new family dynamic.

Managing the challenge: Allowing each family to incorporate a tradition or piece of culture into the family routine and lifestyle can create a sense of belonging. This can help reduce the stress of becoming part of a new family.

Loyalty issues

Children will often feel torn between biological parents and stepparents. This can be challenging when it comes to the child’s feeling of guilt for enjoying the new family. The child may have a mindset that they must be loyal to the other parent regardless of how well they fit in with the new dynamic.

Managing the challenge: Reassure the child that the step-relationship doesn’t negate the biological relationship. Refrain from using any negative conversation about the biological parent.

Co-parenting with a non-present parent

The dynamics of a stepfamily are complicated by co-parenting situations that must be incorporated into the daily or weekly schedule. It makes it difficult to create behavior expectations and family schedules.

Managing the challenge: Communicating schedules and plans with the other parent is vital to maintaining a peaceful and stable environment for the children. Boundaries can help with the management of interactions and expectations.

Balancing personalities

Personalities are as diverse as each child. Age has nothing to do with the challenge of blending the personalities of children who were not raised together.

Managing the challenge: Be accepting of each child and allow them to feel as though they can safely be the person they are without judgment or conflict.

Different parenting styles

Blending families requires understanding how to unite different parenting styles healthily. One parent may be more lax in the discipline while the other uses a stricter philosophy.

Managing the challenge: Parents should find common ground and be consistent in providing a safe and healthy home.

Building respect

Respect and trust are the foundations of all relationships. Children need to know they can trust the parental figures in their lives. This can be difficult for parents and children in stepfamilies for various reasons.

Managing the challenge: Parents should maintain consistency in reliability and supportiveness. There should be an honest interest in the life of the child. Communication can help with boundaries and any issues that could be causing a problem.

Unity

Parents and children may experience some level of not belonging. Unity is important and can be challenging when there are feelings of not fitting in with the other members.

Managing the challenge: The key to unity is promoting activities that are done as a family. This can also be done by developing new traditions that can incorporate ideas from each person in the home.

Behavior issues

Various types of behavioral issues may become present in the addition of family members. There are emotions that children will need to navigate as they find their place in this new family dynamic.

Managing the challenge: Parents can take time to connect with each child individually to ensure that the child understands they are part of the family and that their presence is important. They should also allow the child to express their feelings and emotions.

Next Steps: Family Therapy in Grapevine, Texas

Creating a new family from two previous families can be challenging, but it is doable. There are going to be days of struggle and days of beauty. Take time to connect before trying to be a family. Family is built on trusting someone who has always been there.

Starting a new family can cause children to feel overwhelmed by the many changes. If you feel as though family counseling could benefit you or your child, please reach out to our office at Grapevine Christian Counseling in Texas to meet with a local Christian family counselor in Grapevine, Texas.