Tips for Coping with Infidelity

People make promises as a way to indicate their seriousness about following through on their words with actions. Promises are a way to shore up trust, giving it a solid reference point. A person’s words matter whether they are expressed in the form of a promise or as a statement. We shape our lives based on people’s words, and so when words and actions don’t match (such as in cases of infidelity), it can cause profound disappointment and hurt.

A romantic relationship carries certain expectations. Among these is the expectation of faithfulness, whether this was spoken or not. Increasingly, one has to make it explicit that the relationship is exclusive, otherwise the other person may assume that the relationship is open or polyamorous.

Even with this sinful shift in our social mores, disappointment often ensues upon discovery that a relationship you’re invested in has been rocked by what you consider infidelity.

How do you cope well when that happens to you?

How infidelity affects you

Infidelity is when an emotional, physical, or sexual boundary in the relationship is crossed. It’s when something that was meant to be exclusive is shared with a third party. When you entrust yourself and your life to someone else, a breach of trust can have profound effects on one’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Some of the ways infidelity can affect a person include:

• Dealing with infidelity can feel a lot like going through grief and loss.
• Infidelity can increase anxiety and depression, not to mention stress levels. One can experience PTSD-like symptoms after being cheated on.
• Trust issues. The deep betrayal of infidelity can cause mistrust of others for a long time afterward
• Shakes one’s self-confidence. One can internalize the infidelity and blame themselves, leading to lower self-esteem or self-worth.
• Affects loved ones. Infidelity affects the children in the relationship, leading to their loss of trust in the cheating spouse, and a greater likelihood that they’ll be unfaithful when they grow up.

Infidelity creates ripples beyond the instance of unfaithfulness itself across other relationships for a long time.

Healthy ways for coping with infidelity

The trauma of experiencing infidelity can be debilitating, especially if it is not addressed in healthy ways. Healing from infidelity can be found. You can try to cope with infidelity in the following ways:

Rely upon your support network.

Lean on trusted friends and family during this time. You don’t have to do this on your own.

Journaling.

It can reduce anxiety and help you manage stress by providing you with a space to express yourself freely as well as track your thoughts and emotions.

Practice self-care.

This includes getting good sleep, eating well, and exercising. It also includes doing emotional self-care by practicing gratitude and having space to connect with and process your own emotions. Take time to think about your needs, and what you want from your relationship going forward.

Have healthy boundaries.

This can include having a set time to discuss the infidelity or just time spent together with your partner.

Cultivate honest communication.

More than anything, rebuilding trust requires spending time with your partner and having open communication about the infidelity and your relationship as a whole. These conversations may be painful, but they are vital for healing the breach and nurturing a deeper emotional connection in the relationship.

Get counseling.

Whether through individual counseling or marriage and couples counseling, you and your relationship can benefit immensely from the insight of your counselor. Your counselor can help you understand any unhealthy dynamics in your relationship. They can also help you overcome the long-term effects of infidelity. You may benefit from grief counseling, as this can help you process the emotions that arise from infidelity.

Infidelity can affect you in deep and surprising ways. You don’t have to walk that journey alone. Speak with a counselor to begin your healing from infidelity. Your counselor can help you work through your emotions and situation to determine if you want to salvage the relationship.

Through therapeutic interventions such as emotionally focused therapy (EFT), your counselor can help you rebuild trust in the relationship, paving the way to meaningful reconciliation. Connect with a counselor today.