Ending a marriage is never something planned. No one begins their wedding day thinking about how the union will end. But we live in a fallen world, and people make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes have dire consequences that affect others’ lives for generations.
In the midst of an unhappy marriage, you can lose your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Years of emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, betrayal, abandonment, and neglect can take their toll, chipping away at your confidence.
However, you can regain your self-esteem and discover who you are in God after an unhappy marriage.
Lean Into God
The Bible tells us that the Lord is with the broken-hearted. He knows our thoughts and our hearts. When we come to God and confess our sins, repent of our ways, turning to Him and away from sin, He welcomes us and washes us clean. Our hearts become pure again.
When faced with an unhappy marriage, the Lord sees how we are treated. God created marriage, and He instructs spouses to love each other. When a spouse mistreats their husband or wife, or commits adultery, God wants us to forgive, but He wants us to live in peace. This may mean ending the unhappy marriage.
Lean into God while you make these decisions. As you heal from divorce or separation, study the Bible, pray and talk to God throughout the day, and ask God to reveal His character to you. He is the Father and the Spouse who will never leave. He will be faithful always.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NIV
Take the Time to Grieve and Heal Over Your Unhappy Marriage
Ending an unhappy marriage is a loss. Take the time to grieve and heal. You may initially think the marriage was so terrible that you are excited and relieved it is over. However, not taking the time to mourn, heal, and regain your confidence and self-esteem before jumping into a new relationship may hurt you in the long term.
The grieving process has stages, although you may not experience all five, or not in a linear manner. Shock or denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the five stages. Sometimes we can get stuck in a particular stage, such as depression, that interferes with life. Seek professional help if you feel stuck in the grieving process and need help moving past an unhappy marriage.
Set Goals
Now is the time to evaluate what you want to do and set personal goals. Make sure that the goals you set align with your values and beliefs. When goals, values, and beliefs are misaligned, you strive for things that will leave you feeling empty and raise your risk of developing anxiety and depression.
Make a list of your values and beliefs. For example, perhaps you want more time to serve in church, quality time with your children, and your health. Your goals should align with these values. You would not accept a job that requires you to work 50 hours a week, because that would mean less time with your children and less time serving in church. When you have clear-cut values and beliefs, it makes it easier to see which goals are for you and which are not.
Rediscover Hobbies and Learn New Things
When was the last time you did an activity that brought you joy? Rediscovering old hobbies and learning new things can motivate you in the morning to get out of bed. They give you something to look forward to and to strive toward. List the hobbies and old passions that once held your heart. Next, list things you would like to learn. Circle the activities that you would like to do this month.
As a bonus, think about activities that you could enjoy with friends. Maybe it is joining (or starting) a book club. Maybe it is taking a painting class or attending local theater events. Step outside your comfort zone and form new friendships while living life and discovering hobbies and interests. Bring your children on board to bond with you over new things, creating memories to last a lifetime.
Seek Professional Help If You Want More Support
Finding your identity in Christ and rebuilding your life after an unhappy marriage may require professional help from a mental health practitioner. When you choose Christian counseling, you are choosing evidence-based psychological methods combined with faith-based principles to support your emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Contact our center today to get started.
Photo:
“A woman”, Courtesy of Virginia Marinova, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
Melissa Plantz: AuthorMelissa Plantz is a Christian author and freelance writer. She spent twenty years in the pharmacy industry and has specialized in faith, fitness, nutrition, geriatrics, and mental health since 2015. She writes from the beautiful Lake Marion area in S...
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